Summer Lessons

This summer, as most summers, taught me a profound lesson of God. Summer is typically a season of sheltering from structure and weekly gatherings of Christian women, as people take a break and focus on family vacations. And in this vacuum, I find myself wandering to my heart’s content.

I just started reading Larry Crabb’s newest book release called ” When God’s Ways Make No Sense.” He states, ” option 1 of how we respond to hardship in life, or a life not imagined, is to resist and run.” At first glance I decided that was not me, but as time moved forward, that statement nagged at me, calling me back to ponder the ways of the summer. It was me this summer.

You see life gets hard. I find myself failing, in one way or another. I put pressure on myself, I should have known better to do things differently. I then pray for relief of the deep wounds in me, in order to change me.

This is relief and run. Wanting something different than what God has ordained. I wanted a solution that made the trouble go away. What He desires, is for me to walk through those difficult places, broken, unable to hold myself up, being OK that I will fail. Not for the abuse of it, but for His glory in it, knowing He has taken my baggage, my wounds, for Him to carry.

As I lifted my head from that place, where I brought myself, I laughed, I grinned. The pressure for me to fix, for Him to change me was off. I gave Him back the baggage He carries.

Can I trust God in the struggle, to just allow what it is, to be, without expectation, without explanation? Can I walk through repentance,
asking forgiveness, giving grace, and meeting Jesus in it, feeling relief from His abundant, overwhelming love?

I will, no doubt, be at this place again in the future. The pull of analysis for fixing is too great for me. I pray that each time I am easier on myself, and more accepting of the ways that I am, as He ordained me to be. For His ways are greater than mine ever can be.