No matter where you are
In your journey,
Rest assured
He is molding you,
In the sorrow
In the disappointment
In the deep pondering places
Of who you are,
This life palpably
Far from heaven,
Hope is sure,
Carrying us forward
Knowing He has our life
In His perfect hands,
In the struggle to see
His story
Larger than our story,
Set for things beyond our sight
This summer, as most summers, taught me a profound lesson of God. Summer is typically a season of sheltering from structure and weekly gatherings of Christian women, as people take a break and focus on family vacations. And in this vacuum, I find myself wandering to my heart’s content.
I just started reading Larry Crabb’s newest book release called ” When God’s Ways Make No Sense.” He states, ” option 1 of how we respond to hardship in life, or a life not imagined, is to resist and run.” At first glance I decided that was not me, but as time moved forward, that statement nagged at me, calling me back to ponder the ways of the summer. It was me this summer.
You see life gets hard. I find myself failing, in one way or another. I put pressure on myself, I should have known better to do things differently. I then pray for relief of the deep wounds in me, in order to change me.
This is relief and run. Wanting something different than what God has ordained. I wanted a solution that made the trouble go away. What He desires, is for me to walk through those difficult places, broken, unable to hold myself up, being OK that I will fail. Not for the abuse of it, but for His glory in it, knowing He has taken my baggage, my wounds, for Him to carry.
As I lifted my head from that place, where I brought myself, I laughed, I grinned. The pressure for me to fix, for Him to change me was off. I gave Him back the baggage He carries.
Can I trust God in the struggle, to just allow what it is, to be, without expectation, without explanation? Can I walk through repentance,
asking forgiveness, giving grace, and meeting Jesus in it, feeling relief from His abundant, overwhelming love?
I will, no doubt, be at this place again in the future. The pull of analysis for fixing is too great for me. I pray that each time I am easier on myself, and more accepting of the ways that I am, as He ordained me to be. For His ways are greater than mine ever can be.
The burdens I carry
To uphold myself,
The baggage that seems to increase
As I walk this life,
Weighing heavy and laden,
The way of the flesh
Holding onto things,
Yet knowing God’s love
Covers a multitude of things,
Is knowing that enough
To carry my burdens to Him?
Can I let go of attachments
To second things?
The things that drive me to be,
Who am I, who am I to others,
Am I safe, am I fulfilled?
All driving the underpinning
Making my decisions,
I want to allow the working of His hands
To knead His ways into my heart,
To just be and be loved by Him
Did my heart really want to come and kneel at the throne of grace?
Did it avoid admittance as long as it could?
Meandering in the desert, no words to be heard, the silence deafening
But now, bowed at the altar, His grace fully received
A cleansing, a washing of the dirt,
An insight , as I see the delay
Revealing my natural state,
Broken for Him,
No lifting self up
No fixing what’s true
But remaining broken
For His love and grace to cover me
Through the disappointments in life,
In the places that we are not sure where
The weight is coming from,
There is something we must always remember,
That the heaviness revolves around our desires for our self,
The love we perceive from others,
The expectations for life that just don’t come,
The idols that we hold dear to us
That rise from life’s challenges,
In the depth of our soul
What really matters
Is the relationship with God, with Jesus,
In the pondering of
His love
His presence
His gifts of revelation
His delight in us
His desire to see us in community
His desire to use us for His glory,
Even though,
Lifts the heart
More than we can imagine,
In the crevices of the soul
Hearing Truth
Dispels the lies
Found in the disappointments of life
In the coming and goings
Of the journey,
To the outer reaches
Of the soul,
It is necessary
To travel the barren roads
To the far off seas,
To travel back by faith,
In this journey
There is the mystery
Of who God is,
The planting of
The roots deeper
Into His soil,
Erecting fruit
Towering above all things,
In the coming and goings
Led by greater means
Your faithfulness is as steadfast
As the days grow in numbers,
Your likeness growing in us
As the Mirror reflecting who we are,
You teach in our hearts, deep in its core
As a babe newly born,
We, as lost sheep, forage in foreign lands
As You continually, gently call us back to green pastures,
Giving us a reason to lament
Like a lonely howl at midnight,
The situations may not change
But change is certainly happening,
In the Mystery of who You are,
As we sup with You
Your Presence palpable,
Ringing a Truth,
Your Presence above all things
Is what the heart truly desires to endure,
Not the change of circumstances revolving around self,
For this is the burden that crushes our souls
Shackling us to selfish things,
Your faithfulness
Teaches us to trust,
Releasing the hold on our self
To just walk under Your wing,
In the shadow of Your cool breeze,
Watching Your faithfulness and steadfastness
As we stand back to ponder,
Lifting us up to see beyond immediate things,
To enjoy Your Presence
More than the foraging in foreign lands
Blogging His Inspirations 